Smoke Free For a Month, And I Forgot To Celebrate
By Saintless | Filed in Not Smoking, Personal | No comments yet.
So, I suppose it’s a good sign that my 1 month anniversary of non-smoking came and went, and I forgot about it? I’m 2 days past, now. (Really only 1, but it IS past midnight, so I suppose technically, I’m on the 2nd day of the 2nd month)
Of course, spending 3 days in the hospital with my son kind of made the whole issue seem so minor. I did have a happy dance or two while we were in the hospital that I wasn’t feeling the need to go find a smoking area. But, I can’t tell you when the last time I had a craving was.
I’ve lived through 2 weeks of hell. I’ve hinted at the first one, and those of you who know me well will know what that means. It’s the worst hell a mother can live through.
This second week was stressful, but not the worst thing ever. Drake, my 11 (almost 12!) year old required some medical intervention for his bowel issues (“GoLightly” (aka colonoscopy cleanout, minus the colonoscopy) and enemas, if you must know). I knew from the start that this wasn’t anything life threatening, or something to be scared of. So, although I spent 3 days in Primary Children’s Hospital with him, it was not the worst thing (or even close) that a mother can go through. Although this procedure is typically 24 hours, and the docs said at the max it would be 48 hours, and it took a 3rd day to complete, I was never scared of losing my son, or anything like that. I simply had to wait it out. And I was lucky that I have great insurance, and a very understanding employer. So, I was able to spend the 3 days with Drake, and we got through it.
Not that I can say it wasn’t stressful. Feeling sympathy when Drake had the NG Tube down his throat into his stomach, and was in tears telling me how bad it was was stressful. Sleeping on the parent’s bed in his room, and having nightmares such as that I had a cigarette and was really pissed because I had denied myself that 1 month mark and was so close, only to wake up still pissed at myself and take 30 minutes to realize it was a dream – that was stressful.
Not that I’m complaining. I really am not. But, I will say that my brain is NOT all there. Oh right – back story.
So, Wednesday, I decided I needed clean clothes. So, one of my neighbors came down to sit with Drake while I ran home to pack a bag. Yes, I packed everything Drake could possibly want or need in the hospital, but I didn’t even get my own toothbrush. Anyway, my Jeep began the Death Wobble as I neared my exit going home. Going over about 35 MPH seemed to be the trigger. So, I parked it, and called a friend for a ride back to the hospital.
After we got home Thursday, I checked to see if perhaps the Sway Bar Quick Disconnects had snapped, which was the cause of the last Death Wobble my Jeep had, but that wasn’t the case. So, I called a friend who is my Jeep Expert, and he came to look. We were having the discussion that I needed to have TeraFlex do an alignment and see if they could see anything else wrong. And I said, Ok, I’ll call and make the appointment with TeraFlex. I pulled out my phone, hit “Contacts”, and then couldn’t figure out who I was supposed to be calling, and had to ask my friend again. That’s how brain dead I’ve been. This is only one example. I swear, I’ve had a stroke, and that stroke stole all of my nouns. Anyway….
So, Thursday Drake came home from the hospital. Thursday was the last day of my 1st non-smoking month. In fact, it was between 9 and 10 pm that it became 1 month. But, I completely forgot. And in retrospect, that kind of rocks. I could blame it on stress from my son’s hospitalization, but you know what? If anything, the fact that I got through the first hospitalization either of my babies have ever had, and didn’t even think about a smoke – that rocks.
I’m done.
I have a bit of worry – perhaps cautiousness is a better word – for when I hit 6 months on Chantix. That’s when this wonderful miracle pill goes away. But, it’s only being cautious. I don’t have doubts. I’m done smoking.
Oh, right, so I should vent here too, huh? Ok, so the Jeep got an alignment, but there’s a bushing that needs to be replaced. My Jeep Buddy is going to help me do that. The ex-husband (ahhh-asshat-choo) was “too busy” to bring me my other son (Preston) (regardless of me having spent 3 days in the hospital with Drake because the ex didn’t give him MiraLax as per doctor’s instructions, and my Jeep breaking down and my bathroom exploding, all at once), so I had to borrow a ride from a friend to go get him. The ex-husband also apparently decided to share his version of our divorce story with Preston, and it took everything I had to just tell Preston that not everything he’d been told was true, and no tell Preston all the things his father did during that time. And my main bathroom sprung a leak, and the whole subflooring is soaked. Thankfully I’m renting, so the landlord has to get it fixed, but the plumber she chose has already “fixed” this twice, so I don’t have high hopes. And he tried to give me a guilt trip about showing up on a weekend. He’s a M-F 9-5 plumber, from what I gather. Poor man.
Thankfully, I have really great friends, who are my family and my support, who helped me when I needed it this week. As irritated as I am at my kids’ dad, overall, I’m grateful that I have so many wonderful people who love me and love my boys, and life really is great. And I want to give special mention to Eric, who came down to see Drake every day at the hospital, and provided entertainment including Mr. Bean, and is just an all around wonderful human being.
Today’s reason that I’m happy to be a nonsmoker: Happy thought of the day: I have really great and wonderful and awesome and fantastic and fabulous and amazing and super-duper friends.
Tags: Chantix












