Saintless

I just read the latest article about how Senator Garn went naked hottubbing with a 15 year old girl when he was 30. This article didn’t trivialize Cheryl Maher’s experience as much as most of the others have. But, it did make me realize that I really need to say something about all of this, and talk about a similar experience I had.

I was 13 when I went to work for a family friend. I worked for him for 3 years. He was also an elder in our congregation. We were Jehovah’s Witnesses, and that’s pretty much the highest position you can hold on a local level. Except he was also “anointed”, which to them means that he’s one of the special group of 144,000 people that actually get to go to heaven and rule – the rest of us just stay here on earth.

I explain all of that to show what sort of position of power and trust he was in for me.

At first, some of the touches and hugs and caresses could be seen as grandfatherly. I can remember sitting in his lap more than once. The worst thing I can remember him doing is coming up behind me while I was standing at the counter and wrapping his arms around me. He pressed up against me from behind, and I could feel things that no 14 year old girl should feel from a ~60 year old  man. This was a common occurance by the time I was 14, and by the time I was 15, I was so uncomfortable with it that I avoided him as much as possible. I don’t want to delve too deeply into such a personal and horrifying topic here in a public setting. Suffice it to say that this wasn’t the only thing going on, but at least everything that happened, did happen with clothes on.

Here’s the thing though – I didn’t realize that what he was doing was wrong. I thought I was doing something wrong. I thought I was being sexual and sinful, and that I was dirty and that God would be mad at me.

One day, a woman (also Jehovah’s Witness) who had recently come to work there took me aside and asked me about it. I can’t tell you the relief I felt at finally talking to someone, and hearing that he was wrong, not me.

I took the matter to the elders of the congregation, told my mother, and told the man’s wife. The elders told me that they didn’t have anything to go on, which really trivialized my experience, and told me that what he had done was ok. My mother talked to the man’s wife, and reported back to me that the man was impotent, so there’s no way he could have done those things.

I quit talking or thinking about any of this after that. I, of course, quit working for him, I think just after I turned 16. My life has taken me many different places since then. I’m 33 years old. I’ve dealt with what that man did, as well as other worse things that happened to me when I was 3 – 6 years old. I’ve accepted that they’ve happened. Rarely, I feel a need to cry, to let the poison of the events out. Mostly now, when I think about it, I think back to the things that happened when I was really little, and realize that I couldn’t have stopped those things – I was way too little. But, I also think about what my boss as a teenager did, and even though I know on a logical level that those things weren’t my fault, I can’t help but feel guilt.

And so, what I needed to say is this: Hearing people talk about Garn and Maher, and reading the articles, I think that people are assuming that Maher was some little tramp that got what she deserved. And that horrifies me! Maher was a 15 year old girl who trusted this man who was a religious leader and employer – both positions of power. Even if she was a troubled girl, she was still a girl. Garn is guilty of molesting a child. And anyone who even wonders if Maher asked for it should be ashamed of themselves.

The paths that molested and abused children lead in life are often a result of the trauma they experienced, and some are able to get just the right help at just the right time, and lead normal, productive lives. Others aren’t so lucky. I can only imagine that Maher has wanted to get past this, and tried everything she knew of. My hope for her is that making this public will have a healing effect on her, and she can get past the troubles she’s had in her life, and not live the rest of her life trapped by events from 25 years ago.

And just one more thing – Kevin Garn is a sick and disgusting man. Ok, maybe two: I agree with Holly on the Hill that Speaker Clark needs to resign.