Saintless

Christopher Stout and Sam Granato were both on KVNU’s For the People show last night. If you’ll be voting this weekend, please take a moment and listen to both of them.

Christopher Stout and Sam Granato on KVNU

Christopher Stout begins about 9:00, and goes through about 30:00.

Sam Granato starts about 37:30, through about 54:30.

I thought that Christopher did a great job talking about the issues. He’s so well informed and definitely knows what he’s talking about.

Listening to the contrast of these two interviews really reinforces my opinion that Sam really doesn’t have any issues that are important to him, or even really much of any opinion on the issues. He’s just clueless! And he kept saying the same thing over and over.

Also, about 49 minutes in, it sounds like Sam is saying that when he was appointed to the Liquor Commission that he was a Republican. What happened to him being a lifelong Democrat? I wonder when he switched parties? Did he just switch because he wanted to run, or what?

From the day that Sam Granato announced that he was seeking the Democratic Nomination for Bob Bennett’s Senate seat, I’ve felt a resistance against supporting him. There are plenty of reasons that could explain that resistance I felt, but what it came down to was a gut instinct.

Now, don’t get me wrong – I don’t dislike Sam Granato as a person. I love his Deli downtown, and I think his businesses are a great asset to our community.

I do admit that I held out hope that Pete Ashdown would run for Bennett’s seat. And it’s no secret that I really admire Pete Ashdown both as a person and as a political candidate. And that was definitely a reason to resist Granato. However, I couldn’t imagine even giving Granato my secondary support. He was a candidate I could ignore, but not a candidate I could admire.

I’ve never felt that he had any strong opinions on issues that were important to me. I’ve talked with him several times, and had conversations with Rob Miller about considering an endorsement. But, he just never had anything important to say. He wasn’t passionate about an issue, he didn’t have ideas on how to fix any of the issues that we face. In fact, the only thing I can remember him saying about economic recovery is that because he owns a business, he knows how to create jobs. And that’s just a little too presumptuous to me. There was no true plan telling how to create more jobs, how job creation will fit into the big picture, or even what sort of jobs need to be created.

The powers that be within the Democratic Party seem to have embraced Granato as a candidate from day 1. Granted, I haven’t had any discussions with Wayne Holland about the Senate candidacy, but when last year’s Vice Chair escorts a candidate to all the parties, it’s clear that at least the impression will be that the insiders of the party support him. And once the insiders support a candidate, the rest of us seem to follow along. Except that I don’t think that the delegate are quite the same crowd that they usually are. And the presence at the Salt Lake County Convention of so many Claudia Wright supporters seems to give evidence of that.

I believe that the delegates, are paying attention to the issues, and if you consider Sam Granato on the issues, he really has no stance on anything. And that lack of a position isn’t enough to convince Democratic Delegates who are paying attention, nor is it enough to convince the general Utah population that he’s a worthy candidate.

As delegates, there tend to be two things that we think about. The first, which is the most important to me, is whether the candidate is someone I believe in. Are they someone who represents my values? Are they true Democrats? Are my issues of importance to them? Can they provide leadership and reasoned opinions on issues of importance today?

And with Sam Granato’s history of donations to Orrin Hatch and GW Bush, I don’t feel like he has a history of believing in Democratic values. I don’t feel that my issues (environment, equality, health care) are issues that he really has any passion about. Issues of the day (economics, job recovery, future foreign policy) are not issues that I think that Granato has any particular experience in.

The second thing we think about is whether a candidate can win in the general election. I’ll leave that topic alone for now, and go back to the first.

A friend told me recently that Granato has “put the work in” and deserves the Democratic nomination. I was a bit aghast, because this person’s political opinions are ones I respect very much, and I felt that he was really just falling in line with the political game with this one. What I think it really came down to was that my friend hadn’t had the chance to really evaluate Stout’s opinions, and felt that even though he knew Granato would lose the primary, that at least Granato had shown up.

Now, my initial response was to point out that he couldn’t name one thing that Granato had actually done besides use donations to sponsor certain groups who later endorsed him, and show up to all the fun parties. And while that stuff is important, it really doesn’t mean a damn thing in the long run. When our next Senator begins voting, are we going to say “well, at least he was at the parties”? I know I’m not.

The thing that really sealed Sam Granato’s fate for me was a little more recent, though. Let me begin with this quote from Sam Granato’s campaign site, a portion of his address to Utah County Democrats:

I have friends who are judges, police officers, printers, paramedics, and every other sort of professional. I’m not dropping names here. I just want you to know that my first-name friends come from all walks of life. They are good people. I love ‘em all. But I would never judge them. We are told: “Judge not that ye be judged.” I believe that with all my heart.

And yes, I have friends who are gay. I have friends who have been in trouble with the law. ( I hired a few of those folks, hoping to give them a second chance.) And I have friends who have been through the trauma of abortion – including a close friend whose teenage daughter made that troublesome decision.

I do my best not to judge any of them. They are human beings. They deserve my love and concern – just as you do – just as all my friends do.

Now, this just really gets me angry. I’m a bisexual woman, and I don’t like politicians who compare me to criminals, and then offer human compassion. I typically call those politicians right-wingers. And when it comes from a candidate for a Democratic nomination, I typically call them traitors. I can’t believe that he turns around and sponsors LGBT events, and even gets the Stonewall Board’s endorsement, after spewing that trash.

And maybe most of my readers won’t get why that statement bothers me so badly. I won’t even get into the abortion thing. But, imagine that he’d said “I have friends who are black. I have friends who have been in trouble with the law.” Or maybe substitute “girls”, or “atheists” or “Catholics” or whatever else might be unique about you, but not mainstream in our society. Or, let me put it another way:

Because gays and criminals and people who have abortions are all bad people who he tries not to judge?

So, no – I can’t support Sam Granato. He’s not a candidate I can either understand or promote.

Tags: Sam Granato, US Senate

See, Jeff Bell, right?

I think I’m going to miss blogging about not smoking. It was kind of nice to vent here about all the little things that may or may not have been related to not smoking, like stresses and such. I’ve reached 3 full weeks without a cigarette. Wowsers! I’m pretty happy about that. I’m only a little surprised that this week didn’t make me break down and have one. As my roommate, Jill, said though – it would probably taste even nastier than I remember!

As I said last time – I was facing two big fears. The second one seems like cake after this week. The first one has been extremely trying, and sometimes I was ecstatic from thinking the worst was over and I’d accomplished what I needed to, but mostly it was stress and lots of driving and trying the next thing on the list to fix the problem. This whole week has been a blur, and I’m not really sure which way is up. I keep forgetting that I worked a whole day on Monday – it seems like my week started with Tuesday’s events. I have had a lot of support from friends, though. I can’t even begin to express my appreciation for my surrogate family here in Utah. Last night, Eric brought over Zombieland to get my mind off of things. I think those laughs were the first ones all week that didn’t verge on hysterical laughter (not counting Monday, of course – that was a lifetime ago, and certain wasn’t THIS week). Loved the movie! (Still not letting my children watch it, though!) (Also, Woody Harrelson really reminded me of JM Bell, especially at the beginning of Zombieland, in the truck) (Also – I’ve got more parenthesis than The Daily Blarg)

I’m looking forward to that 30 day mark – a whole month without a cigarette has been my target, and it’s going to be a great day! I doubt I’ll blog about not smoking again before then. It seems kind of pointless, because at this point, not even stress seems to be making me want to cave. I kind of think that each individual emotion on the scale of emotions had to be faced without a cigarette, and I suppose that maybe there are some to left to be experienced without a cigarette. But, this week’s highs and lows and fears seemed to have run the gamut, so I’m probably safe. I do kind of feel the need to shout from the rooftops what an amazing thing Chantix is, but I think I’ve already said so a few times here, so that would get repetitive.

Today’s reason that I’m happy to be a nonsmoker: I probably got a lot more respect from the people I had to deal with this week than I would have if I smelled like stale smoke.

Tags: Chantix

Yesterday (Sunday) was pretty rough for me. Not the whole day, but pretty much everything after about 4:30. Everything before that was pretty darn good, actually. But, my greatest stress triggers all kind of hit at once, and I seriously considered opening that pack of smokes sitting in my console. I’m not really sure what kept me from doing it, but I think it helped that I had given myself permission to do so, but I kept putting it off.

Instead, I managed to get my bedroom completely reorganized, and get my office temporarily stored in boxes and all of it put in another room. I moved the dog kennel out weeks ago (and have started letting Kaiser loose in the house except when I’m gone). If you had seen my bedroom before, with piles and piles of papers and various other things that don’t belong in a bedroom, you’d probably be shocked. I know I was every time I entered it.

But, now I have my safe haven back. It’s warm and cozy and inviting, and while there are some things I’d like to do to the room (like get a vanity), it’s back to a place I enjoy being, and a place of refuge when I need to get away from the world.

I still have that lump in my throat feeling sometimes, and I don’t think it’s related to craving a cigarette. My strongest craving as of late was Sunday evening, and I don’t recall the sensation occurring then. And I feel it right now, but have no desire at all for a cigarette.

I’m a bit worried about how I felt Sunday night – not because I thought about having a cigarette (that’s no big deal on the grand scheme of things) – but because I felt pretty confused and mixed up, and was really down about the things that were bothering me. I’m still stressed about them, but it’s not overwhelming me now like it was that night. I’m glad that I was able to eventually get busy and get my mind off of the stresses, but in looking back, I let my  mind go to some bad places. I wasn’t suicidal at all (I promised myself and friends that I’d stop Chantix and tell them if that happens), but I was very melancholy and very agitated about the things that were bothering me. Worse, it led me to dwelling on things (and people) from the past, which hurt a lot.

In the short term, it’s worrying, because I don’t often get that way. But, as long as it doesn’t happen frequently, it’s no big deal. I am mostly writing about it right now so that I’ll have something to compare it with if it happens again.

Along with keeping busy, part of what got me past those things was thinking about what a friend of mine who always gives the best advice on such matters would say if I told her the things in my mind. I couldn’t come up with what she’d say to all of it, but I definitely knew what she’d say about dwelling on stuff from the past, and even though I wasn’t able to talk to her, it was the next best thing.

And today was very easy – workdays seem to be the easiest of all.

I’m about to make a big decision about my hair, and it looks like short hair is favored 3 to 1. As far as the comments I’ve gotten, both on the blog and on Facebook, it seems like I was right that guys tend to think I should grow it out, while the chicks tell me to cut it. I still haven’t decided – I think because I’m not sure that long hair actually looks better on me – mostly because I haven’t yet hired a live in hairstylist, and my long hair looked icky when I was lazy and didn’t do anything with it. Also, how is the hair growing out going to work out over the summer in a topless Jeep?

In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out what to do with it if I continue growing it out. Today’s experiment turned out as a piece of art that I like to call “finger in a light socket”. I’m going to try finger waves next and hope for a better result. Perhaps I’ll try that out tomorrow night, and if it works, I’ll do that to my hair Thursday when I give my Ignite Salt Lake presentation.

Today’s reason that I’m happy to be a nonsmoker: Whatever I end up deciding to do with my hair, I know it will always smell good!

Tags: Chantix, Ignite SLC

I need help! I’ve been growing my hair out since sometime last fall. And I’m not sure I can take it anymore! So, either cheer me on as I crop it again, or tell me how worth it long hair is. Either way – vote and then comment and tell me why! :)

Here’s my current problematic hair:

See? It’s awful!

And then there’s this one, from about 3 years ago:

This was the only recent (ish) photo I could find of me with really long hair, unless you count the one where my BFF was feeding me cake, and I figured that one got extra sexy points that had nothing to do with hair, so I am going with this one. This is what my long hair looked like when I did nothing with it, except let it air dry and pull it back. I never spent either time or money on  my hair when it was long, mostly because investing either would leave me broke with hair that long. Just blow drying it took over 90 minutes.

And here’s the best short haircut I’ve had:

I am very glad I cut my hair off when I did, and have enjoyed short hair. It’s so easy to make it look good.  Blow drying takes well under 10 minutes when it’s this short. If I cut it off, it will definitely be at least this short, even if I don’t go for the same hairstyle.

Here’s my dilemma: I’m 32. I may never get another chance to grow my hair out, because – let’s face it – I’m getting to be of that age. Which is ok. But, guys always tell me how sexy long hair is, and girls always tell me how sophisticated I look with short hair. Which might be a sign that I have to choose between guys and girls, but ignoring that issue – does long hair look good enough to be worth the pain of growing it out, and the hassle of trying to make it look good every day? Or does short hair look good enough on me that I should just get past the fear that short hair in my 30′s means I’m giving in to age? (Sidenote: I refuse to complain that I’m getting old, because I am NOT!)

Anyway, let me know what you think in this poll: grow it out or cut it off. And add your comments too!

HB 150 is the Utah House Bill that attempts to ignore the 4th amendment. It was defeated in the House yesterday, but Pete Ashdown writes that Rep. Daw wants to bring it back from the dead as a slimmed down version covering kidnapping and cyberstalking.

This is NOT okay! There is a reason we have a legal system that uses warrants. Yes, kidnapping and cyberstalking are bad things. But, a warrant isn’t some kind of undue hardship. It’s a process we have in place for a reason.

So, take a look again at Pete Ashdown’s flier against HB 150, and then call/write your Representatives and ask them to vote no.

Update 2/26/10: This bill made it through the House, and it’s now in the Senate’s hands. Please, please contact your Senator!

Tags: HB 150, privacy

Well, I did it. I was driving home today, and my normal 10 minute commute took 30, because of an accident on the freeway. I was stuck in traffic and realized that I had that lump in my throat, and I was craving a cigarette.

So, I got home, and walked next door to my neighbor who smokes, and really likes to have one of mine now and then because they taste better, and asked her if she wanted my pack, since I didn’t need it anymore.

I’ve been carrying that pack around for nearly a week, and there were 3 gone from it. I carried it to remind myself that I was making the choice not to smoke. Knowing I could go have one at any time has kept me from obsessing on the need to have one, and instead I focussed on the fact that I was choosing not to – a fine line, I suppose.

Today has been a rough day. I was in a ton of pain from endometriosis, and it took me an extra hour to pull my butt out of bed (and give up my heating pad – the only source of relief from pain) this morning. I was an hour and a half late for work. My ex-husband pissed me off. AT&T pissed me off. I couldn’t take a pain pill, because I was working on a very large and complex piece of code that required all of my brain faculties.

In the afternoon, I suddenly got a lump in my throat. I can’t remember if I talked about it before, but during about week 2 on Chantix, I started getting this lump in my throat. The only way I can describe it is that it’s kind of a cross between the way my throat feels if you’ve been crying a lot, and the way my throat feels when I’ve smoked way too much. When I first cut back to only a few cigarettes a day, I’d get the lump feeling every time I smoked. Then, after a few days, I noticed that I’d have that lump feeling every time I wanted to smoke, but chose not to. And those last few days it seemed almost like I had the lump feeling constantly.

Since last Wednesday (which I’m now looking at as my quit day, and Thursday was just a small setback), I’ve not really had the lump in my throat, until today.

I’ve faced a lot of minor things, like bad traffic, and some things that were more major, like a 2 hour round trip drive, parenting surprises (my older son is going through puberty – someone save me!), and having been without my phone for a couple of days (my phone is my wubbie). And I made it through those things without smoking, or really even having what I consider a serious moment of temptation.

I’m pretty sure I’ll probably light up again at some point, if for no other reason than to reassure myself that I really don’t want or need a cigarette. I know this might sound crazy to some, but I’ve gone for 3+ months without smoking before. And after going that long, I’ll sneak a cigarette, and suddenly I’m as hooked as I ever was. I don’t want this to be a wasted effort. And so, picking up a smoke, but only one smoke, after I’ve been quit for a while, will prove to me that I really am quit. Granted, I plan to do that while I’m still on Chantix, and I very much don’t want to do that once I’m off Chantix. But, that’s kind of why I’m going to do the full 6 months of the pills. I’ve gotten this far, and I’m not going to let myself fail. It’s just not going to happen! And who knows – I might not ever have another cigarette – but the option of doing so is part of what’s keeping me strong right now, as is the knowledge that I really don’t want it, and won’t enjoy it if I do have one.

One other thing I noticed today, that hasn’t happened before – I think that I was confusing (or maybe substituting) the feeling of being hungry for the feeling of wanting a smoke. On the drive home, after I finally made it to the next exit and got off the freeway, and out of the traffic jam, my craving for a smoke turned quickly into a craving for fast food. My blood sugar was dropping fast – by the time I got home, I was shaky and had to eat sugar to keep from getting really sick. But, my mental desire for a cigarette seemed to have been replaced with a desire for food, especially fast food – which normally repulses me. I’m really hoping it was a one time thing, and since I’m normally more careful about not letting my blood sugar drop, maybe it won’t continue.

Also, thanks for the kind words from everyone. I have gotten some very sweet encouragement from friends and strangers on places like Twitter, Google Buzz, Facebook, and real life. I truly value every single word from each of you. Thank you!

Tags: Chantix

I made it through my 2nd day in a row without a cigarette. I’ve told my kids now, and they seem mostly indifferent, except for a question now and then about how long I’ve quit. I think they’ve seen their father, their step-mom and me quit so many times that they don’t really believe it. I’m pretty sure they’d give me a whole lotta crap if they saw me light up, though.

Today I barely even thought about smoking. I think that I might have actually tweeted every time a cigarette crossed my mind. You know how they say that sex crosses a man’s mind every 8 seconds? That’s how smoking used to be for me. So to have only thought about a cigarette maybe 5 times today is kind of amazing. And those times weren’t a desire for a smoke so much as amazement that I hadn’t had one.

I sent my kids off with my friends this evening, and stayed home with the baby – Parker, who is 4 1/2 months. He’s my little angel. I so enjoy having him in my arms. Seeing him smile is something that could bring me out of the darkest moods. And the talking/cooing/giggling is near euphoric for me. I haven’t watched him in at least a couple of weeks, which seems like forever. So, when my friends didn’t find a sitter for the movie that we were all going to, I jumped at the chance to be the one to stay home with him, and they took my kids. Hopefully, I’ll be able to start keeping him one evening a week from now on.

This is my first time taking care of Parker when I didn’t go sneak in a cigarette when he went to sleep. Instead, I kept him in my arms and watched his peaceful rest. I think he would have slept longer if I hadn’t held him the whole time, but I couldn’t help it. This was one of those 5 or so times I thought about smoking today. I thought about how wonderful it was that I got to hold a sleeping angel, instead of running outside and smoking. That was definitely a moment of success in this journey.

Although, right this moment, my own son (Drake) is waiting for me to come play Mario with him. I’ve been putting it off all day, but it’s time to go have some fun with my own child. Except I really don’t like playing the Wii very much. Mario is one of the better games to play with the kids, but it’s not something I can look forward to. And there’s a part of my mind that’s telling me to go smoke first. I’m telling that part of my mind to go to hell, but it is coming back with thinking that once the kids go to sleep, I could sneak one in. I’m actually fairly certain that won’t happen, but the voice is also telling me I’m lonely, with no adults around tonight, and that I deserve one for mostly just hanging out with gazillions of kids all weekend.

So, if you follow me on Twitter, expect to see me yelling at myself not to smoke later tonight.

Tags: Chantix

Kaiser isn't too happy that he doesn't get to go outside as often, now that the urge to smoke isn't striking every 5 minutes.

So, I’m midway through my second week of Chantix, and at full dose now. I can definitely see that it’s made a difference. Even when smoking socially (such as with friends at last night’s SuperBowl party), I don’t usually smoke a whole cigarette. I typically light up immediately when I’m driving alone, even on short trips, but when I went for lunch today, it didn’t even occur to me. Overall, things are going well.

I did get an upset stomach this evening when taking the pill, but it wasn’t as bad as Saturday morning, and resting for a bit made it go away. I think I just didn’t eat enough before taking it.

The only major problem I’m seeing is that I think I might have a slight allergy to Chantix. I’ve been a bit itchy since starting it, but as of today, I have actual hives. I have been on Xyxal for allergies since December, and I ran out toward the end of last week. I haven’t made it to the pharmacy yet, but I’m hoping once I pick up that prescription that it’ll take care of the allergy. It’s not a major allergy (I’ve had much worse cases of hives before), and it might even be an allergy to something else, but it’s got to stop before I tear holes in my skin from scratching. In the meantime, I took a Zyrtec, and hopefully that will kick in soon. (Before I finished posting this, I got distracted, and the Zyrtec has helped some)

I’m also still thinking that the Chantix is making me almost indifferent to drinking. That’s a very interesting “side-effect” if it is. A quick search on Google tells me that I’m not the only one to notice this.

Over the next few days, I’m going to begin putting a lot more effort into avoiding cigarettes. There’s a chance I might be taking a mini-vacation this weekend, and I’d like to be completely stopped before I go. Wish me luck!

Tags: Chantix

ABC News says:

Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon confirmed Friday that he will seek the Democratic nomination for Utah governor and take on the difficult task of trying to get elected in one of the nation’s most conservative states.

Corroon planned to make an official announcement Monday followed by a statewide tour on Tuesday.

As soon as I have any information about locations for his announcement or statewide tour, I’ll post it here!

Tags: Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon