Saintless

I’ve quit posting the new xkcd comics, because I figure you probably all subscibe to them already. But, I couldn’t resist this one:

And the alt text… “We didn’t even get to the continued fractions!”

I figured I needed a break from the politics…

Now, this is what I’m talking about!

 

Find a comfortable chair to sit in, or lie on the floor. Remove your shoes. Close your eyes but not too tightly.

Take a deep breath: Inhale blue…  Hold it.  And exhale red… Repeat.

Now tense up every part of your body, really really tight. Hold it…hold it…  Now relax. Feel your body melting into your chair or into the floor.  Again: Tense tense tense…  And relaaaax.

Now I want you to picture yourself lying on a gorgeous, secluded beach. Breathe in the fresh air. Feel the warmth of the sand. Hear the rhythmic lapping of the ocean and the palm trees swaying in the gentle breeze. You have no worries. No cares. Your 401(k) is flush with cash. You feel completely relaxed. You are at peace and everything is fine.

Oh, look. John McCain is walking by. Without opening your eyes, gently raise your hand and wave. “Hi, Senator,” you say. “Sorry you lost the election in such a massive landslide. Too bad, so sad.” He waves back and says, “Thank you, my friend. In the end, the best man won. By a hundred and fifteen electoral votes.”

And here comes Sarah Palin, wearing her Miss Congeniality sash. Again, you lazily raise your hand. “Hi, Sarah. Too bad the Troopergate report got ya booted from office,” you say. She replies, “Oh, that’s okay. Now I can spend more of my time monitoring that sneaky Putin over there in Russia. I hear he’s training an army of judo experts.” She trips over a piece of driftwood. You let out a relaxing sigh and take a sip of your margarita.

Oh, and here’s Dick Cheney, trolling for spare change with his metal detector. “Hey, Dick,” you say. “Takin’ a break from the war crimes tribunal?” “Yep,” he replies. “They got Rumsfeld in the dock now. If things go according to schedule, I should get my life sentence later this afternoon. Oh look…I found a nickel.” He wanders out of sight. You take another cleansing breath.

Just as you’re about to drift to sleep, a group of former senators approaches. Coleman. Dole. McConnell. Collins. Cornyn. Stevens. Chambliss. Roberts. Smith. Sununu. “Hey, folks,” you say. “Whatcha been doin’ since your massive losses?” They reply as one: “Beach volleyball!!” You nod. They get swallowed by a rogue wave.

And now, very slowly, count backwards: 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Open your eyes.

Repeat as needed.

Bill in Portland Maine is one of my favorite bloggers for a reason. Above is how he started his daily blog, Cheers and Jeers. This is why it’s one of my daily must-reads. He likes to point out things like how many days till Bush-Cheney leave office, and even cute puppy pictures. Read the rest of today’s Cheers and Jeers. It’s all you needed to know from the political arena today, in one amusing little package.

Sometimes, all you need is a chart:

more charts

Really, how else would you explain this coincidence?

Yesterday, the Chinese were able to not only predict the outcome of their shuttle launch (success!) but were able to quote the astronauts before it even happened!

BEIJING (AP) - A news story describing a successful launch of China’s long-awaited space mission and including detailed dialogue between astronauts launched on the Internet Thursday, hours before the rocket had even left the ground.

And just one day later, John McCain is able to announce that he’s won tonight’s debate, which won’t occur for another 6 hours, as of this writing.

Although I try not to allow myself to become wrapped up in conspiracy theories, I really believe that what just happened is that the Chinese have invented a time travel machine, and somehow McCain convinced them to share it with him! Anyone have a better explanation?

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.1574983&w=425&h=350&fv=file%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.theonion.com%2Fcontent%2Fxml%2F86319%2Fvideo%26autostart%3Dfalse%E2%84%91%3Dhttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.theonion.com%2Fcontent%2Ffiles%2Fimages%2FANTI-BUSH_ECONOMY_article.jpg%26bufferlength%3D3%26embedded%3Dtrue%26title%3DEconomists%2520Warn%2520Anti-Bush%2520Merchandise%2520Market%2520Close%2520To%2520Collapse]

I adore The Onion. (h/t Greg Mankiw)

I find myself about to hit the “Accept and Install” button for Google’s new browser, Chrome. Firefox has been my browser of choice for years, now. I have a deep, heartfelt relationship with Firefox and it’s many plug-ins that allow me to live a life of ease, always knowing it’s MY browser, set up exactly how I like. And now, just because Google put it out, I have to have Chrome.

Google has literally taken over my life. My entire social history exists somewhere within, from Gmails to my family, friends and lovers, to photos on Picasa, where I’ve purchased extra storage. My schedule is on the Calendar application. My documents exist on the Documents application or on Google Groups. My search history is on Google Desktop. Google knows me well enough that my searches are custom-tailored to me. Not even my phone escapes, with at least two Google applications installed.

My dream job exists somewhere within the Google world. Someday, I dream, Google will realize that they just can’t go on without hiring me. Sadly, this has not happened yet.

So, when I got to the download page, and saw this EULA:

I couldn’t help but notice that Google has finally realized that we have a relationship. Perhaps this is the mild flirtation that relationships start out as, and in the very near future, my dreams of working for Google will come true. They will realize that just because I’m a Microsoft sellout, that doesn’t mean I can’t come to the light, and work with whatever technology they wish me to. Ah, Google. The company of my dreams.

I hope I like your new browser as much as I think I’m going to.

Title: Pick you up at eight?’ ‘If you’ll have a new car by then.’

more graph humor and song chart memes

Alt: I always figured the word ‘blog’ would sound *less* silly as the years went by.

I wonder if there’s a list out there dedicated just to the new words that have spawned as a result of the culture of the interwebs? Think one day we’ll start actually saying “LOL” when we’re talking about laughing?

Alt: ‘You will have hot, steamy, sweaty sex … IN BED!’

I’m thinking I may have to go for some Chinese tonight.